 Light it. Live it. Love it. Indeed, some of my fondest memories of childhood revolve around classic board games. Whether it was the ruthless capitalism at play during a violent game of Monopoly, the mindless mayhem of Battleship, or the sheer frustration of Operation, I was always entertained during the humid and rainy nights that threatened to both suffocate my fellow villagers and drown the dreams of stardom that twinkled in my eyes. Although I was never really fond of the game of Life, Milton Bradley’s decision to alter one of the cornerstones of cardboard camaraderie left my inner child feeling like a lonely and confused orphan who was just adopted by the bassist and drummer from Culture Club. As sad as the change may be, Milton Bradley cannot be blamed for merely keeping up with the times. The days of saving for your children’s college tuition, paying bills, and taking the vows of marriage seriously have vanished faster than Steve Guttenberg’s film career.
In their place we have: race cards, insurmountable debt, million dollar weddings that bankrupt new couples, a divorce rate that has spiked up so high that it’s threatening to poke a hole in the sun, children that swallow more medications than lessons, and an income gap that’s wider than the ass of a $20 Philadelphia hooker. When we look at all of these problems and begin to think of possible solutions, where do we turn? We turn on each other. Because God knows; if my life is fucked up or if my bank account is low or I didn’t get that job, it’s the government’s fault. And if it isn’t the government’s fault then it’s society’s fault. And so the blame game begins. It’s quite evident in American culture that responsibility, one of the greatest virtues ever bestowed upon man, has been watered down considerably over the past couple of generations. The once stout shot of subjection has been reduced to a weak concoction of inflated ego and self-important douchebagery. I know that’s not a word but it sure as shit should be. I’m hoping Milton Bradley’s reincarnation of Life comes complete with the following: frivolous lawsuit windfalls, tax evasion, unfounded claims of discrimination, reverse racism, bogus government conspiracy theories surrounding societal plight, insurance scams, insanity pleas, and absurd union demands. That should really give kids that play the game a real feel for what lay ahead. Operating in Life’s Trivial Pursuit, Ronald Cherry |
