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Written by Roy Bancroft, Jr.
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 Welly, welly, well, well, well. Despite the government’s best efforts to keep its tyrannical muzzle affixed to my ample snout, I have returned. When TheEarhole was unjustly stripped of its proper place as a forum for the marketplace of free ideas, I was forced into the shadows like a late-nineteenth century adolescent trying to steal a pie cooling on an old lady’s window sill who is scared into darting into the bushes for fear of reprisal. Little did my adversaries know that I would again surface to warn the public of ongoing and forthcoming sinister enterprises that threaten to wear patriotism and democracy to a dull point in America and leave the average citizen impotent to retaliate against tyranny.
This is not the same brand of cutesie impotence that we all laugh at on the television commercials; this is a dysfunction which would threaten the very heart and virile soul of our beloved country. I, for one, am not about to let that happen. Think of me as Viagra for truth, or if you prefer, the Levitra of true patriotism (I’m not quite sure which of these snake-oils works best…just give me a gander at a hot little number in short-pants). I have spent the last several months in an undisclosed location doing research and drinking copious amounts of my own home-brewed root beer (delicious), preparing for the day when I would be able to cast my line into the pond of American chaos and reel in a floppin’ big mouth of order and honesty. That day has come and my line has been cast. I would like to thank Mr. Cherry and Mr. Malone for their perseverance and bravery in the face of adversity and returning to the limelight in the form of Treebune.com, allowing me the vehicle with which to educate and safeguard the liberties of the American public. Together, we shall climb the hill of government malfeasance and somersault down in Little House On the Prairie-esque glee. I know it. - Roy Bancroft, Jr. |
