Devil Wears Chaps.

His latest offering, “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” (not made up) is a tragic mix of what many hold as the two worst forms of modern music-- country and techno.

 According to local Biblical scholar Tommy Aquinas, Adkins’ song could very well be a signal to the world that the so-called “end of days” is at hand.

“There have been kooks and quacks from every end of the spectrum that have made cases that the Apocalypse is coming at various different points in human history, but never before have more of these fringe fearmongers agreed on one seminal event as the coming of the end of the world as they do now. The hilarious film Nostradamus that was hosted by Orson Wells predicted that the end of the world was supposed to be sometime in May of 1982. Many believed that Y2K spelled curtains for humanity, and still others thought that the troubles in the Middle East were sure to doom us.

While some of these ‘prophets’ claimed their credibility from the Bible, no event has measured up to the Biblical criteria for the Judgment Day like ‘Honky Tonk Badonkadonk’ has. Perhaps this song is the final piece of the puzzle…maybe God thinks now would be the perfect time to spare humanity from itself. I’m not going to tell anybody what to do, but I can say that I’ll definitely be in church on Sunday, and I’ve got plenty of fresh water and duct tape at home…that’s supposed to help, right?”

Although it isn’t certain as to whether or not Aquinas’ thoughts on the matter are, in fact, correct, experts say that it is certain that Trace Adkins is a detriment to humanity’s chances of avoiding the wrath of God in our lifetime.

His “hillbilly ‘Baby Got Back’,” the experts say, “is an affront to God himself and an insult to our listening sensibilities. If this were the Middle Ages, he would have been burned at the stake by now.”