Gallagher violates Treebune's "No Bums" policy.

According to reports, the bald, roller-skating fool was dragged out into the street by a thronging crowd of unsatisfied audience members who felt shortchanged by his tired act in which he did nothing but smash watermelons on stage and talk about how weird it is that men and women are different from each other.

He also sat on an oversized piece of furniture, but even that comedy gem wasn’t enough to calm the enraged mob which had gathered in the French Lick Municipal Theater and General Store.

After roughly dragging Gallagher outside by his novelty suspenders, the assembled “judge, jury, and executioners” levied makeshift charges against the entertainer that consisted of larceny, recycling jokes, damage of property (for watermelon spatterings which found their way into the crowd despite the plastic tarp), and high treason-- a charge thrown in to elevate the drama of the scene, Gallagher was unceremoniously shot after he bravely refused his right to make any last remarks.

Although many of those in attendance were there courtesy of free tickets won on a local morning radio show, those who actually paid to watch the abomination said that they felt “betrayed and saddened” by the performance-- betrayed because he wasn’t the least bit funny, and saddened because he seemed so pathetic on stage (as a person, not just a performer).

Many involved in the incident believed that they simply put Gallagher “out of his misery,” claiming that “no one should have to live like that.” French Lick authorities did arrive on the scene before the shooting, but a deputy loaned the mob his gun which was the one that actually fired the deadly/merciful shot, so no charges were filed. Now that Gallagher’s oversized hammer has crushed its last melon, the world awaits the coming of another who will have the audacity and lack of humor to take his place as the truly bad boy of comedy.