Pondering the magic flute.

Drew Grayson, spokesman for Potter publisher Scholastic Press addressed the media on Wednesday in chilly Times Square. “This is such a huge disappointment for us and for the millions of Potter fans out there”, Grayson said. “We are working with the authorities as we speak and have made great progress in preventing any further distribution of the book on the Internet.”

Robert Emery, an English cobbler and former assistant to Rowling has been questioned in London and remains the number one suspect in the case. Some Potter fans will remember the brash Emery being fired by Rowling after releasing the controversial book “Harry POTter: The Boy Wizard Born of Weed and Decadence”.

Although Rowling has dismissed the book’s claims as “rubbish”, many of those who were once part of Rowling’s inner-circle have defended Emery and in doing so have become suspects themselves.

Treebune.com has received a digital copy of the seventh and final Potter book titled “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows” and we have been just as vastly under whelmed as with the series’ previous installments. There is a desperation in Rowling’s latest work that, when coupled with the obvious theft of plot elements from several fantasy writers that came before her, makes the book come off as just another fourth grade summer reading assignment that keeps kids from going outside and curbing the alarming trend of childhood obesity.

As many fans have speculated, the whiny wizard finally meets his long overdue demise at the hands of a cupid-like creature known only as “Roberto”. The flamboyant winged beast promises the nerdy Potter that one puff from his magic flute will win the heart of longtime friend and love interest Hermione Granger. Unaware that Roberto is acting as an agent of Lord Voldemort, Potter plays the flute and instantly vanishes into the darkened abyss. Without Potter’s power, Voldemort’s evil minions easily defeat his pals and order is restored in the magic kingdom.

The abrupt and somewhat depressing ending is sure to draw the ire of Potter fans everywhere, but the book will undoubtedly outsell every other book on planet earth and surely help the series pass the Bible as the greatest literary body of work in mankind’s history.

-"Harry Potter and the Deadly Hollows" is set for release on July 21.