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Persons, who lives in a small one bedroom apartment with his pet parakeet Skipper is a regular fixture in the Boink-Town area as he silently cruises around town in his tattered Astro van to frequent local restaurants and movie theaters, always alone except for what his critics call “a distinct odor” that clings to him like a shadowy companion.

According to Persons, who works from home as a part-time telemarketer, he knows that many of the people that he is “forced to interact with” when he ventures out into public find his aroma to be offensive, but the stubborn hermit says that he doesn’t plan on “changing horses midstream” and that anybody that has a problem with his stank can “go ‘f ‘ themselves.”

Persons’ stank, described by many as a potent combination of onions, clove cigarettes, and pee, has carved out a special niche in the local community for the overweight forty-something who has come to accept his ripeness as a point of pride.

“Whenever I tear myself away from my Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVDs to go out and maybe get a meatnormous breakfast sandwich from Burger King or check in on the Pizza Hut dinner buffet, I don’t have to worry about getting any guff from people because my stank keeps them at bay…like a forcefield. I have a tendency to get annoyed very easily with peoples’ stupidity, and by keeping my stankshield engaged, I can simply go about my business without being messed with. I have built a mobile Fortress of Solitude that gives me a freedom that most people will never know. They stay away, and I am not bothered. If a kid cries when I walk in, or if a lady pukes at the mere whiff of me…them’s the breaks. I don’t get on people for being idiots, and all I want is the same…just leave me alone.”

Although Persons is outwardly proud of his atrocious hygiene and separation from society, a question following this interview about his solitary “Stanksgiving” plans found the stinky stalwart twinge with a bit of emotion as he relayed his plan to sit at home, in the dark, with Skipper and a Swanson’s frozen dinner.