That thing got a Hemi?

According to the suit filed by Gary Jeffers, owner of The Big Time Eatery, he holds the car manufacturer solely responsible for his demolished dining room and tarnished reputation because the man piloting the modern personal conveyance that went berserk in his establishment was “brainwashed” by the torrent of Dodge car commercials touting the mythical Hemi as the solution to most, if not all of life’s problems.

The vessel of DaimlerChrysler’s heinous advertising onslaught, Mr. James Winfield has agreed to aid Jeffers in his suit stating that he was quite embarrassed by the events that took place in the restaurant and that he would love to “see those bastards pay”.

Winfield, a man of considerable girth, says that he outfitted his Rascal with a Hemi in order to “put a little giddy’up in his get-along” after being inundated with dreams of high performance, women in bikinis, and the thought of instilling a fierce envy in the soul of everyone he comes into contact with.

Instead, when Winfield decided to showcase his ill-conceived motor-chair at his favorite restaurant, he found himself sitting atop a mountain of disaster.

Not quite accustomed to the nuances of his high output Rascal, the four hundred pound man spiraled out of control shortly after entering The Big Time Eatery and the scooter reared up and bucked Winfield off like a prancing pony, straight into the lap of an elderly patron, shattering her pelvis and leaving the pair pinned for several moments. After discarding Winfield, the Rascal, reminiscent of the film Maximum Overdrive, zoomed around the dining room, destroying everything in its path including several buffet islands, a number of tables and chairs, and the reputation of Jeffers as the owner of a safe restaurant for both the elderly and morbidly obese to eat in.

Despite the trying circumstances and human elements involved in the suit, DaimlerChrysler has denied any wrongdoing and claims that Jeffers and Winfield are merely looking for a scapegoat to pin their self-inflicted problems on…problems that they say could have been avoided if Jeffers didn’t allow fat people in his restaurant and if Winfield wasn’t such a dumbass.