Savor the flavor, kid.

Everyone at the scene was both terrified and amazed at Feelers’ apparent disregard for the laws of physics and human decency as he rolled into the wall at a whopping eight miles an hour (witness estimate), naked as the day he was born, chanting “Who let the dogs out?”.  The speed of the impact, not sufficient to cause any major damage, knocked a couple of cases of beer and a shelf on the back wall to the filthy backroom floor, which was immediately crawling with bar patrons trying to lap up all of the “free hooch”. 

Following the crash, Feelers exited his car and raised his arms above his head giving the “number one” sign to an applauding mass of miscreants who looked like something right out of Mos Isley.  When asked how his exciting stunt was conceived, Feelers was surprisingly humble, stating, “Thanks guys, but I can’t take all of the credit.  The car thing was Wayne’s idea.  I improvised the nakedness, but most of all, I’d say that it was the Long Island Ice Teas and Purple Hooters that really brought the whole thing together…Has anyone seen my pants?” 

Damages stemming from the incident are said to be somewhere in the tens of dollars and although Mommy’s has declined to file charges, Feelers is still currently serving a three-day jail term for public indecency, public drunkenness and failure to yield to a freestanding structure.  Despite his recent incarceration, Feelers has vowed to be on his favorite stool at Mommy’s immediately following his release at which time he hopes to “out-do” himself by possibly “taking a crap on the roof”, or “paying his long-outstanding bar tab”.