"Well I'll be...."

According to Milner, she was looking for the remote control to her television set in the cushions of her living room sofa when she found Jesus in the little chasm between the covered springs and padded back of the of the couch, amidst an array of loose change, old potato chip crumbs and a tattered TV Guide dated June 7-14th, 1997.

“I was digging around in the couch, hoping to find the clicker for my T.V. when all of the sudden I felt something tug at my pinky finger. I thought that maybe a mouse or something had crawled in there, but sure enough, it was Jesus Christ. I pulled him outta there and said, ‘Dam Jesus, what in the world are you doing in my couch?’

He was so tiny, I mean, teeny-tiny, I was holding him right in the palm of my hand. After he had a moment to catch his divine breath…I’m sure that it can get pretty stuffy inside of a couch, he told me that he was just ‘hanging out’, ‘trying to pick a very secluded spot to get away from all of the world’s problems’. I told him that I didn’t mind if he wanted to go back in, but he told me that he should probably get going. After he left, I don’t know, something just came over me and I thought… ‘What a nice little guy’. I decided right then and there that he was the Way for me so I bought myself a Bible, told my live-in boyfriend to get the hell out, and traded in my debaucherous ways for those of righteousness…I am now an instrument of his Word.”

Although Milner’s story has touched several members of the community, many members of the clergy in the greater Boink-Town area are very suspicious of Milner’s claims and are secretly hoping that she will abandon Christianity for another faith; now that she has become an annoying fixture at various religious services and functions claiming that she and Jesus are on a “first name basis” and is encouraging multitudes of the Boink-Town faithful to root around in their couches to try and find salvation instead of sitting in church, buying their way into heaven like everybody else.