Going Apehouse.

For years, Barney and Meredith had spoiled the blissful peace of the Saturday sunrise to engage in some of the nastiest, most heinous acts of fornication ever conceived by man. On this particular morning however, the couple came to the sobering conclusion that they had indeed covered the entire spectrum of sexual positions.

“I rolled over to see if Meredith was awake and I started racking my brain looking for a new move to throw at her,” explains Barney. “For the first time since I got into this humping business, I drew a complete blank. I ran down the entire list, man. I even started thinking of the five star moves we pulled off during our honeymoon. Just off the top of my head I can say for sure that we successfully completed “The Falcon Dive”, “Dinner For Three”, “Pony Express”, “The Tail Rattle”, and even the nearly impossible “Filibuster”.

Those were some wild times. It got so raucous that I thought we were going to be the first couple to make a film rated Quadruple X. But, on this particular morning I had to roll over, try to hide the humiliation on my face and engage in plain old Missionary-Style. It was a real bummer.”

Meredith’s version of that fateful Saturday’s event is in stark contrast to that of husband Barney’s.

“I thought is was absolutely beautiful. Barney actually looked into my eyes once or twice and we didn’t even have to listen to that Def Leppard album he always blasts by the bed. It was really sweet.”

Although their opinions of their Missionary-Style romp may vary, the old sexual staple has become a fixture in the Carlisle bedroom.

Originally practiced by street clowns in the brothels of ancient Rome, Missionary-Style has survived throughout the ages as a “go to” position used by inexperienced teens and lazy adults alike. Although it may be lacking in the creativity department, Missionary-Style is the blue-collar “quick hitter” every sexual deviant needs in his or her repertoire.

Just ask Meredith Carlisle.