"More meat, please."

The parade was a grandiose mix of public fervor and spectacle in which a band regiment from a local Masonic temple led the way and ornate horse-drawn carriages strolled down the street carrying local dignitaries, clowns, and of course, Walkowski himself. 

As the parade snaked through the city streets, showers of meat rained down from the skyline…a symbol not only of the Grand Marshall, but of the town itself and the guaranteed good times that awaited the city’s inhabitants in the future. 

Sausages, pork chops, veal shanks, and even an entire lamb were said to have obscured the skies that glorious day.  Now, more than a hundred years later, the city has rekindled this piece of Chicago history (a grand ticker-meat parade has not been held since the end of World War II) in a supposed effort to reconnect with the past and to further encourage their offensively challenged franchise onward to victory before the team leaves for Miami. 

Most of those in attendance of this latest ticker-meat parade say that the display was “awe-inspiring” and that they “haven’t felt this type of pride since da’ bears won the Super Bowl in ’85.”  While this was the prevailing sentiment of the day, there were some who felt that the parade was “excessive” and “disgusting,” one onlooker wondering why the meat “hadn’t been used to feed the homeless?” 

Apparently ignorant of the importance of a trip to the Super Bowl. 

Despite the layers of meat that littered Chicago’s streets, the parade is said to have started a boon for crows and street vermin, and also spiked the lagging revenues of the city’s dry cleaners who say that the ticker-meat parade is “the best thing that ever happened to them.”