 The General takes flight. Ever since their exploits were chronicled on the t.v. series “The Dukes of Hazzard”, fans everywhere have wondered when Bo and Luke would decide to quit torturing the grotesque “Boss Hog” and enter the world of auto racing. “It’s always been a dream of ours to finally put the flannels away and suit up for a NASCAR event”, explains Bo Duke. “We’re a little pickled by the suspension, but we’re guessin’ the other boys got a little soggy in the bottoms after seein’ the ol’ General in the qualifier.”
Whether it was their “soggy bottoms” or the inexplicable physics that allowed the General Lee to literally leapfrog competitors, drivers signed a petition to have the rebel-clad car checked by racing officials. “Everything looked good when we conducted the initial diagnostics”, said NASCAR’s Donnie “Ancient Grease” Rigney. “It wasn’t until we pumped some fuel out to take a sample that we noticed something was a little off. I saw some of the boys sippin’ on the contents of the gas tank and my damned boots nearly fell off.” Instead of the traditional gas used by every other competitor, the Duke boys had ingeniously rigged the General’s engine to run exclusively on Kentucky Bourbon, a banned substance that is only encouraged for after-race festivities. Responding to the allegations, crew chief Luke Duke explained, “Tis’ the General, boys. He don’t want any crude oil to touch his pipes. Bourbon’s the only thing he’ll drink. It gives him his courage.” Despite the outcry of fans everywhere, the NASCAR governing body has suspended the crew indefinitely and ordered a full investigation into the matter. Looks like them Duke boys are in a world of trouble. |
