Simpler times.

The incident has polarized the religious landscape in America and prompted many church leaders to speak out on behalf of their “God”.

Jimmy Phillips, a Navy cook and the stepfather of young Blaine, has called for an all out ban on all children’s games until a full investigation can determine what religion is to blame for his stepson’s injuries.

“I will stand here and tell you that I consider myself a God-fearing Christian”, Phillips says.

 “I’ll say this though; I’ll be singing a different tune if it turns out that it was my Christianity that messed up my son’s ankle. Hell, I might even turn towel-head.”

Mr. Phillips’ “towel-head” remarks have enraged the Muslim community and possibly sparked a holy war of words between Muslim leaders and bible-thumping Christians.

With tensions running high in a tumultuous geopolitical and religious climate, the world’s genocidal tendencies have  unfortunately taken center stage in the imaginative games of our nation’s youth. But to young Blaine Phillips, things will be different this time around. “When we choose sides next time, I’m definitely going to be a Zionist.”