Canada's only hope of escaping the U.S. shadow.

Canada’s Minister of Industry, Maxime Bernier greeted a crowd of dozens in Toronto’s famed Bacon District and made the much-anticipated official announcement.

“Today is a very proud day, eh”? , mused the ecstatic Minister. “We have been hard at work in our labs and I am proud to announce the unveiling of what may be the absolute pinnacle of space helmet designs.” When a picture of the helmet prototype was presented on stage, the Canadian crowd went ballistic in unbridled enthusiasm.......

The reaction came as no surprise to lead scientist Richey Meatus. “The mullet has kind of become a symbol of Canadian pride,” explains Meatus. “You know, when we’re just little kids running around the house pretending to be astronauts, we never envision a world where our flowing mullets can’t ride the anti-gravitational waves of space. I’m proud to have been part of this project and I can’t wait to see this next generation of space-walking Canadians wandering the universe with a piece of Canada floating gently from the back of their necks.”

The complex design of Meatus’ helmet is rooted in its suction-like adherence to the scalp. With an airtight vacuum created within the helmet, hair is allowed to flow freely through a particle- separating “trap door” at the rear base of the ingenious space age fedora.

Not to be outdone, NASA is said to be finalizing plans for a spacesuit with translucent sleeves geared towards astronauts with impressively large arms and/or tattoos. The hope is that any hostile alien attack would be immediately thwarted by the intimidating site of America’s sleeveless, scientific studs.

 Although not quite on par with the race to the moon between the classless Soviets and America’s crack staff of Hollywood special effects technicians, the new “War of the Wardrobe” between American and Canadian astronauts is sure to affect the landscape of space travel for years to come.