Str8 Outta Kansas, Foolz.

Senator Barclay Whiteson, a Whig from Connecticut says his idea will not only help to alleviate the friction between illegal immigrants and Americans who only care about their citizenship when they feel that something is being taken away from them, but also put a nostalgic face on the new breed of those entering the country-- lessening the resentment towards them.

His proposed solution to this quandary-- a hot-button issue in modern America-- is to give special treatment and expedited naturalization to illegal immigrants who enter the country dressed in authentic 19th century era clothing; just like the clothes that European immigrants wore when they came over during the supposed “Golden Age” of American immigration.

You know the ones he’s referring to-- impetuous souls wearing tattered three-piece suits and hats with an overstuffed suitcase and trunk, perhaps even an old violin case in hand; all of them seeking a new life and the promise of great fortunes in this…America.

Picture an old photo of a ship passing by the Statue of Liberty with its deck filled with hopeful eyes gazing out at Emma Lazarus’ famous poem that’s emblazoned on Lady Liberty’s pedestal…back when those words truly meant something.

As Whiteson sees it, if the new lot of immigrants, many of them from Mexico and coming into the country illegally, were to don the same sort of non-threatening and humble clothes-- many Americans would be more apt to give them a break.

While he might be right to some degree, critics of his “Top and Tails Initiative” say that it is far too hot for immigrants coming from Mexico to wear such cumbersome get-ups and that, although they may appear to be “cuter” or “more quaint,” the fact of the matter is that even more of them would perish as they venture across the dry desert terrain in route from their homeland. Also, critics say, the measure would present an image of shallow materialism that Americans cannot afford to exude (a bit late for that, but, whatever).

“Basing naturalization partly on the clothes a person wears,” detractors claim, “sets an unfair and arbitrary precedent. Who’s to say that a person who may or may not be as qualified as another to become a citizen may be overlooked because they're wearing a T-shirt and jeans rather than some 19th century immigrant’s ‘costume.’ If Senator Whiteson really wants this to be a viable option, he’s going to have to expand his fashion requirements.”

Despite the contrary opinions concerning his proposal to help solve the immigration crisis in America, Whiteson says that he simply “thinks it would be neat” if illegal immigrants wore period clothing. “It’s a tangible display of desire,” he says, “what’s so bad about that?”