Have you seen this bear?

If the rumors are true, the USDA Forest Service has been considering forcing Smokey into retirement due to his “inability to competently perform his duties”, in other words, Smokey is getting too old to do his job.  Other problems that officials reportedly had with Smokey was that he slept for exorbitant amounts of time during the winter months and that he used his immense paws and stature to intimidate coworkers to get his way, especially when it came to disputes over parking spaces or anything dealing with his trademark hat, which he was often ridiculed for.  Smokey has worked for the Forest Service for over fifty years and has been instrumental in making campgrounds and national forests safer and more enjoyable.  Now, however, it seems as though his lengthy run at the top of the forestry game is over. 

The witness who saw Smokey the night before the blaze started claims that he was “extremely intoxicated” and constantly muttering under his breath into his glass of scotch.  Although his mutterings were difficult to decipher, the witness is positive that he heard the phrases “Only I can start forest fires” and “We’ll see who needs who when it’s all said and done”.  Also, Smokey reportedly left a napkin behind on which he had scrawled a child-like drawing of a forest in flames with him soaring overhead in a hot-air balloon laughing.  Although the cursory evidence surrounding Smokey is damning, his estranged wife and many of his fans are rallying around him in hopes that he will come forward to dispel the allegations personally and lift his damaged reputation out of the ashes.