Walter's gift to humanity.

After deciphering the chicken scratched farewell, it was discovered that Walter had gone quite mad trying to answer the age-old question, Which came first…the chicken…or the egg?  Mr. Bullard claims that Walter always had a deeply brooding personality and that his recent foray into the study of existentialism only furthered his rapid descent into mania.  Next to the note were found several scraps of paper which were peppered with various mathematical equations and a quote from the Danish philosopher Soren Kierkergaard which read,  "I stick my finger into existence.  It smells of nothing.  Where am I?  What is this thing called the world?  Who is it who has lured me into the thing, and now leaves me here?  How did I come into the world?  Why was I not consulted?" 

Walter had obviously invested a great deal of time and sanity in the pursuit of the answer to the question that he so desperately needed to validate his life…a life that he knew would ultimately end in a deep fryer or stew pot on some morose Sunday afternoon. Those who knew Walter best say that they are “slightly surprised, but not shocked” by his self-inflicted demise noting that he had become more and more withdrawn and even stopped playing his clarinet, one of the few things that he took pleasure in during his days on the farm.  Although they could tell that something was wrong with him in the few weeks preceding his untimely passing, none of them thought that he would ever resort to such action.  Provo police say that this isn’t the first time they have seen an incident like this, but that it never gets any easier to see such a delicious life cut short before it reaches its proper plumpness and eatability. 

Since the case appears to be pretty cut and dried, authorities have released Walter’s carcass to Mr. Bullard who is planning on holding a memorial service for his fallen fowl and, despite Walter’s failure to reach “fryer-size”, he will serve Walter in the traditional Southern style to anyone who wishes to attend, sadly stating that “Walter would have wanted it that way”.