 Earth Pig. Upon hearing this, Phil peeked his nose out of the door and told his fans that his shadow was still sleeping and that if they wanted an accurate forecast, they’d have to come back tomorrow. At this, Dolan became incensed as his town’s only claim to fame was being jeopardized by the whims of a “glorified rat” and reached his gloved hand into Phil’s corrupt cubby, yanked the uncooperative hog out by the scruff of his fat neck and tossed him onto the ground as the crowd of stunned reporters and tourists gasped in disbelief. Phil hissed a menacing hiss, puked-up a gallon of cheap booze and then proceeded to relieve himself on a fake scenic stump while reporting to the crowd that “the winter of my life has now arrived” before collapsing in a drunken heap of fur and passing out to the amazement of all. Dolan did his best to provide a feasible explanation for the extraordinary series of events, but was unsuccessful in convincing those in attendance that Phil’s behavior was simply a result of “immense stress” and that he “truly loves his position as the foremost meteorologist in the country.” Following the exodus of the crowd, Phil’s unconscious carcass was placed in a burlap sack and he was transported to Greeling Farms Celebrity Animal Rehabilitation and Counseling Center for treatment. Greeling Farms is the same facility that helped Lassie # 4 deal with his gender identity crisis, Charlie Tuna overcome his suicidal tendencies resulting from the selling of his fellow fish to tuna salad lovers, and the former Mr. Ed shake his dependency on methamphetamines. |
