"Yessssssssss!"

Hasbro denies these allegations and points to past innovations in its GI Joe line of children’s toys as viable options for the U.S. military and promises that if awarded a contract, would have no problem making the transition from toy making to real world battle gear.

According to Hasbro spokesman Jim Paulters, the company’s recent bids for defense contracts come out of a “real desire to do some good for the nation” and to “deliver new and imaginative products for America’s brave men and women”.

Despite Hasbro’s claims that it is merely trying to help the country, evidence has surfaced which shows the company has been looking to cheat its way into the industry by fabricating dangerous terrorist threats that only it knows how to stop.

The prime example of these underhanded tactics comes in the form of a terrorist organization known as Cobra which Hasbro claimed to be “ten times more deadly, and at least twice as crazy as Al-Queda”.

The company released a tape recorded message from Cobra leader, Cobra Commander in which he threatened to perform evil acts on the United States if Hasbro’s hallmark, GI Joe, wasn’t around to stop him.

They also released a poorly shot video set in a cave which featured figurines purporting to be people that showed Cobra Commander, his right-hand man Destro, and a ninja named Stormshadow looking at a map of North America.

Although these gimmicks were transparent to government and military officials as “fake” and “outlandish”, Hasbro insists that it is of the “highest national urgency” that they receive U.S. military contracts in order to stop the new and devilish Cobra threat.

In a one line statement made at a recent hearing concerning Hasbro’s lack of sanity and fervent silliness, Paulters exclaimed “Yo Joe” and thrust his fist into the air before being escorted out by security personnel.