Lopez keeps it real with Tantamount's President Shields

Usually commencement season sees celebrity degree candidates who are either legends in their field or are legendary in and of themselves (at least to some) and who provide great publicity opportunities for the institutions that invite them into the alumni ranks.

This year, however, in what can only be a called a “peculiar choice,” Tantamount University in Bakersfield, California decided that it would dole out an honorary doctorate degree to Mario Lopez, the dimple-faced former heartthrob who muscled his way into the spotlight as popular jock AC Slater on Saved By the Bell, rode a bicycle in the short-lived Pacific Blue, and laughed at Danny Bonnaduce’s drunken antics on The Other Half (the supposed male answer to The View).

Lopez graciously attended Tantamount’s commencement exercises last weekend where he received a doctorate degree in Popular Media Appreciation Sciences-- a degree no more worthless (according to Tantamount) than any other in the liberal arts.

Lopez also doubled as the commencement speaker, advising the graduates to “stay tough” and to “try and remember the time that he played the drums in the Bayside beauty pageant and then called his rival/friend Zack Morris ‘Preppie’.” Trying not to acknowledge the repeated cries from the crowd for “Screech,” Lopez finally broke down at the podium before scurrying off stage in a tearful fit-- his newly “earned” sheepskin possibly serving as a handkerchief to absorb his humiliated tears.

Tantamount President William Shields had no comment on the incident other than to say that the school chose Lopez as a doctorate recipient and commencement speaker because they thought that “Latins were in this year,” and that “the kids would enjoy some hip flavor in the ceremony.”

They say that “no publicity is bad publicity,” but following the scene with Lopez, an estimated 47% of Tantamount’s incoming freshman class has withdrawn from fall classes and a small number of the recent graduates have asked if they can renounce their recently acquired degrees and start over at another school.

Go Snapdragons!!!