Selzner's controversial flag.

This disturbing trend started out harmlessly enough, with displays of support for limited occasions such as birthdays and major holidays barely disrupting the status quo landscape of residential neighborhoods. Now, however, one once-friendly neighborhood in the Greater Detroit Area has been ripped apart by disagreements over the flying of what some consider to be inappropriate novelty flags that certain residents of the quiet subdivision find offensive and detrimental to their preferred standard of living.

The war over the grand old flags started over a year ago when Cathy Selzner began flying a different flag honoring each day of the week, every one paying homage to the varying attributes of each specific day- Monday’s flag had a sad face on it (because everyone supposedly hates Mondays), Wednesday’s featured a stick figure climbing to the halfway point of a mountain, and Friday’s bearing the overused initials TGIF surrounded by a dazzling array of stars.

At first, Selzner’s neighbors found her manic behavior to be “quaint” and mildly entertaining, complimenting her on her efforts and inquiring as to what “amusing” sentiments she planned to hang from the front wall of her house next.

The good natured tolerance of her flag waving lasted for a short while until Cathy flew a flag that showed a likeness of neighbor Julie Parks kicking a dog with the words “Communist Sympathizer” boldly printed on the flag’s border- a supposed retaliation for Parks refusal to dog-sit for Selzner while she was out of town.

Parks demanded that the flag come down, touching off a controversy that still dominates the patio conversations of the normally docile neighborhood. Some in the area believe that Selzner has the right to fly whatever flag she wishes to on her own property, while others believe that her strange and unfriendly behavior is a nuisance and a possible factor in the lowering of property values. The neighborhood association has tabled the debate since there is no specific rule in the neighborhood bylaws that forbids the hanging of novelty flags, most probably because the rules were written in the mid-eighties, long before the plague of novelty flags were a concern.

One member of the association says that it would have been impossible for the drafters of the bylaws to “ever foresee a crisis such as this,” but admits that this is the most difficult challenge the residents have ever faced, even worse than the “reflective lawn globe fad of 1987.”

Until the issue is resolved, Selzner has vowed to keep her flags flying and Mrs. Parks has promised never to invite the Selzners to another of her famous barbecue-bashes. Community sentiment is almost equally divided as to who is in the right as the battle rages on.

Some feel that Parks should have looked after Cathy’s dachshund, Binky, while others say that Selzner should be forced to move out of the neighborhood so that peace may once again litter their quiet streets.