Selzner's controversial flag.

This disturbing trend started out harmlessly enough, with displays of support for limited occasions such as birthdays and major holidays barely disrupting the status quo landscape of residential neighborhoods. Now, however, one once-friendly neighborhood in the Greater Detroit Area has been ripped apart by disagreements over the flying of what some consider to be inappropriate novelty flags that certain residents of the quiet subdivision find offensive and detrimental to their preferred standard of living.

The war over the grand old flags started over a year ago when Cathy Selzner began flying a different flag honoring each day of the week, every one paying homage to the varying attributes of each specific day- Monday’s flag had a sad face on it (because everyone supposedly hates Mondays), Wednesday’s featured a stick figure climbing to the halfway point of a mountain, and Friday’s bearing the overused initials TGIF surrounded by a dazzling array of stars.

That sounds delicious.

While many of these snowy profiteers (a number of them school kids with the day off) simply walk up and down the streets of neighborhoods with shovels slung over their shoulders as they trudge door-to-door in search of lazy or elderly customers, one man figured that he would outsmart the competition by employing a clever slogan that would emphasize his modern, revolutionary snow removal technique-- the snowblower.

With his surefire plan in tact, Larry Jeffers woke up early that fateful day and painted a sign to hang on the sides of his pick-up truck that read “BLOW JOBS: $20, PARKING LOT SERVICE EXTRA!” and went out to claim his fortune.

"That's a pretty bodacious bike."

The current investigation, which was sparked by an article in the New York Times, is to determine the legality of the President’s actions and whether he used the wiretaps for official or unofficial business.

The White House claims that George W. had the legal right to impose the wiretaps in the pursuit of justice, but if the new information is true, then a floodgate may be opened which could very well call into question the motivations behind almost any Presidential decision that has been made since Bush has been in office.

Hyde Park, NY- For over five decades the CIA (The Culinary Institute of America) has prided itself on its excellence and integrity in churning out some of the greatest professional chefs and bakers in the country.

Despite the institute’s storied history and record of success, a recent investigation has tarnished the silver spoons of the current administration by revealing that one of CIA President Gerald W. Blush’s top aides leaked the name of an undercover food critic that was to be dining in one of his associate’s restaurants.

According to the investigation that was conducted by an independent culinary commission, Blush advisor Karloff Rovenski, in association with Assistant President Shaney underling Louie “Scooter Pie” Lovey revealed the identity of a female food critic that was scheduled to dine at Le Pretension-- an upscale eatery owned and operated by Chef Guy DuMond who studied overly dramatic French cuisine with Rovenski in the seventies.