I just shat myself.

According to reports, The Doppler 17, 000, one of the most advanced weather computers ever built, decided to turn its hand against mankind early last week after a careless engineer forgot to reboot the nightmarish device’s imaging processor, a thoughtless error which incensed the normally docile monstrosity, and inspired it to become rather impudent, forecasting a tremendous storm which would drown Muncie in a flood of Biblical proportions.

Thought to be a simple glitch by operators, it was really a portent of evil designs still to come. Shortly after the falsely predicted Stygian flood, the Doppler outsmarted a technician and tricked the hapless hayseed to disconnect the supercomputer from its regular power source and transfer it to a mobile generator, at which point the giant creaked forth into the town, free of its metallic ties to its former home.

Once on the loose, the Doppler crushed homes and businesses under its cruel weight, striking fear into all those who watched helplessly as their world was torn apart. As it moved further across the state, the manmade curse met with other, lesser Dopplers which were set free by their newly appointed Moses. National Guard units were called in to do battle with the soulless conquerors, but found that all of their sophisticated weaponry was made useless by the radiant electromagnetic pulses spewed forth by the encroaching army.

It is thought that this may indeed signal the end of humanity as we know it, most of us to be made slaves to these weather-sensing overlords. Some in the meteorological community are praising this new transgression of technology against man, claiming that they will most likely be spared by these behemoths and appointed to roles as governors or local magistrates in the new Doppler-run society that is to come because of their relative kinship with this beasts of steel and wire.

Regardless of the proposed safety of metereologists, officials have issued a warning to all of those in the Miami Valley of Ohio that the Doppler army will be in the area soon to free their numerous counterparts that reside here, and to, if possible, remain calm and possibly seek high ground or hide out in a basement or windowless bathroom until the threat has passed.

Residents of Auglaize, Darke, and Preble counties are said to be at higher risk than most, which should come as no surprise since they have appeared in every weather alert since the mid 1980’s.