Mr. Bananas delivers his speech.

According to ASC spokeschimp Mr. Bananas, American monkeys were trying to stay out of the heated debate, but felt that it was time that they finally came out and made a statement so that the homo sapien population in the country would know where they stand on the issue.

“A great number of the simians in America agree with the idea of scaling down, or eliminating altogether, the teaching of Darwin’s Theory of Evolution in the nation’s schools. We are engaged in a similar matter in our own learning institutions concerning whether or not Clyde from the Any Which Way But Loose movies should be considered a champion of simian rights and depicted as a hero in the textbooks used to educate our young.......

We know what it’s like to be a divided society on such hot-button issues. As for evolution in human schools, we don’t want any part of it. It is a disgusting proposition to many of our kind to be lumped in as the evolutionary precursor to humanity, and it is only the hippies among us that feel differently. It would be a shame to think that apes could have given rise to a species that is so self-centered and destructive as humans. Sure, we may enjoy masturbating in public and tossing poop at each other, but those are very minor indulgences and a far cry from proliferating nuclear weapons and driving the planet and many of its residents into the ground for the sake of wealth and power. We try to hide the supposed link between man and ape from our kids as well…besides being gross, it’s just silly.”

Mr. Bananas’ statement has given a much-needed boost to his human counterparts that are campaigning to rid schools of evolutionary study by showing that it isn’t just people who are damaged by the outlandish theory. The fact that we share 98.5% of our DNA with apes only strengthens the need to banish the idea for the good of both species.