Eat up, Johnny.

Their new Border Sauce, “No Muerto Grande,” is actually an antibacterial substance similar in appearance to liquid hand soap (some believe that’s exactly what it is) and is intended to go on your sloppy, possibly E-Coli tainted 3am jam session prior to the application of any of its sister sauces such as the veteran “Mild” and “Hot” or the spicy newcomer “Fire” as a way to kill any bacteria that may be present in the “food” and prevent the onset of any new E-Coli-related illnesses. 

The new “Muerto” sauce will sport the same witty banter that is printed on the other sauce packets, only it will deal more closely to its intended purpose.  Sayings such as “Spread me on high and deep” and “Once you put me on your burrito you can’t sue” are meant to serve more practical ends than the clever “You had me at taco” type witticisms that grace the other sauces in the “Border” collection. 

The instruction to use as much of the Muerto sauce as possible is beneficial to the company because it will aid in the limiting of foodborne illnesses, and the “you can’t sue” packet has been deemed a binding legal document by a Federal court which means that once the sauce is applied by a consumer, they have, in effect, signed a waiver stating that they will not sue Taco Bell or any of its affiliates if they become sick. 

According to Taco Bell officials, they are optimistic about Muerto’s success and say that even after (if) they solve this current crisis (who knows when that will be since they have said the cause is not the previously accused scallions) they may keep the sauce on the menu as a way to hedge their bets against future problems.  Thinking “outside the bun” at its finest.