The most delicious of all the animals.

As the commercials for fish sandwiches and special “all you can eat fish Fridays” begin to inundate the market place, one Boink-Town area restaurateur has devised an ingenious plan that he hopes will not only draw Lenten business, but also allow him to continue to sell food that was raised on dry land before it went to the plate-- ensuring that he will not have to place any “special” food orders with his suppliers.

Bill Drummond, owner of Tomfoolery’s Neighborhood Bar and Grille has made the unprecedented claim that he is currently serving unicorn meat and that this mythological delicacy is “well within the guidelines for Lenten food restrictions.”

According to Drummond, more than ninety-eight percent of his food sales come in the form of beef, chicken and pork so that each year when Lent came around, he would either have to suffer a loss in business on Friday nights (traditionally his biggest money night of the week), or make special arrangements with his food supplier to bring in expensive frozen fish patties that he would only sell during a forty day period-- a “lose-lose proposition.”

This year Drummond thought that he would try and level the playing field by serving things that he already had on hand, but in a different style.

"What I’ve done here is combine my three staple meats (beef, chicken, and pork) in a sausage grinder with the addition of a couple of cans of tuna fish. I then take that mixture and form it into sandwich patties, steak-style configurations, and even wrap some around old pork rib bones to simulate the ‘rack of unicorn.’ The tuna fish adds a hint of gaminess and lends plausibility to the possibility that this might actually be the meat of a real unicorn…I even hung up some kind of horn over the bar to simulate the unicorn’s ‘corn’…I just etched some spiral grooves in it and had my daughter glue glitter all over its surface. I wish I had this idea years ago. I didn’t have to order any fish for Lent, and so far, business has been pretty good. People want to believe in unicorns, so I’m gonna give them what they want. Until the Vatican comes out and explicitly forbids unicorn meat during Lent…I’ve got it made.”