 You usin' cheat codes? The photo, found beneath an abandoned “SKA” music club, shows an angry Hitler sitting in front of what appears to be an LCD computer screen. What puzzles historians even more is that the screen is alive with the unmistakable chain gun from the “Wolfenstein” series of computer games. Although the game was supposedly created by id software and released in 1992, the picture offers damning evidence that suggests the first-person shooter was actually crafted by diabolical Nazi scientists to motivate soldiers to fight an American military that was hell bent on killing them. The premise of one American POW taking out an entire army of bumbling Germans would have provided the soldiers with a sense of embarrassment that could only be cured with the blood of their enemies. While historians sort out the details of the confusing photo, Washington D.C. is once again buzzing with calls to ban violent video games.
Like a starving chimp in a Chiquita factory, a rabid Jack Thompson has once again ascended the podium of censorship and demanded that all “objectionable” video games be pulled from store shelves across America. “This is just the icing on the cake”, proclaimed Thompson. “I have been standing here for years telling you people that video games have the power to destroy the very fabric of American morality. Well, if Wolfen…whatever can fuel the hatred of the Third Reich, just think what it could do to your children. I guarantee you there’s millions of kids out there right now listening to hippity-hoppity music and playing Grand Theft Auto with their pants hanging halfway off their fannies. America is dying and video games are pulling the plug.” Thompson first made headlines in the early 1980’s after supposedly discovering a direct correlation between the popularity of “Donkey Kong” and a spike in mallet sales and senseless barrel destruction. Largely despised by the gaming community, Thompson has managed to correlate video games with almost every tragedy that has befallen the human race. Many skeptics have suggested that perhaps it was Thompson himself who planted the “doctored” photo in Germany to further his political agenda. Sources tell Treebune.com that the legitimacy of the Hitler photo should be determined in the coming days and that an officially inquiry has been launched by the German government. We’ll keep you informed. |
